The past two years have been tough ones. Every time I felt like I hit rock bottom, I realized I still had further to fall, and before long I was deep within my own trenches. I made some decisions that got me there, along with unforeseen life events, and of course an unpredictable global pandemic. 🤪 

Long story short, I decided to quit my corporate job and start a business two weeks after I won Miss Virginia USA 2020, and it was simultaneously two weeks before Covid 19 was announced as a global pandemic. My dad became very sick, I moved in with my parents at 27, and became a caregiver for my dad, while I was trying to figure out how to get my bearings back with a failed business and a very different year than originally anticipated. I felt pretty lost. 

I was dead broke and felt like I was at rock bottom. In hindsight, I would have done so much differently, but at the moment I was trying to keep my head above water. There was so much unknown in 2020 and I think that was a part of my problem. I didn’t know when the pandemic would end, when my life would move on, if my dad would recover at all or fully, and I remember wishing I had someone who could just tell me what I was supposed to do. For most of my life, I rarely kept my feet in the same place for very long, so it was a disorienting feeling stuck in a location and situation.

That being said, one of the biggest blessings was the time I got with my parents both before and after my dad became sick. Although a part of me felt kind of bad about moving back in with my parents in my late 20s, it gave me so much meaningful time with them that I wouldn’t have had if it weren’t for the mess happening around me. The day my dad got sick changed my life and perspective forever. We were told he likely wouldn’t make it through his first night in the ICU. I was at home when I got the call. I fell to my knees in devastation and desperately prayed for the first time in years. The thought of losing him made me realize that no time with my family will be long enough. They are the people that shaped me into the person I am proud to be today. In my late 20s, I have really grown to love who I am. I believe much of that is because I hold so much of who both of my parents are within me. 

One morning after my dad was back home from the ICU and officially in recovery, my mom came inside upset because her favorite planter fell and broke into several pieces. The beautiful blue and green planter had been a gift from my siblings and me.. I suddenly remembered this concept from when I lived in Japan called Kintsugi. It’s a Japanese method of repair where instead of throwing away broken pottery they use powdered gold to repair it. It is believed that the repair with gold actually makes the item more beautiful and unique from any other pottery. A beautiful concept, right? So my parents and I sat down at their kitchen table and put the piece of this planter back together. (We didn’t use real gold… catch me in a few years though and I’ll be putting 14 karat gold on everything I break 😂 ). I know it is a little corny but gluing that planter together with my parents felt like such a moment of healing for us as a family. I think in a way, we all felt a little bit like the broken planter - fragmented and unable to do what we’re meant to do.. 

Over the next year and a half we all evolved. My dad was able to mostly recover, and what he couldn’t recover from fully, he has embraced. He is such a humble example of accepting his circumstances and new reality without becoming bitter for the losses. My mom was such a strong advocate for my dad and was truly an example for all of my siblings of how to protect and stand by a loved one during a time of illness. She stepped into a new role for work to help provide for her and my dad as well. I’ve met a few of her colleagues this past year and everyone talks about how much joy she brings to the workplace and how she has positively impacted them. As for me, I got back on my feet by working a few jobs and leaning into my marketing background to relaunch my business as weddings became a thing again in 2021. If there is one thing about me, I won’t stay stagnant for long. I believe in myself, I am strategic and I will work my ass off to achieve what I want. It took waking up early to personal train clients, staying up late working at a restaurant, delivering groceries, driving for Uber and doing whatever I could to pay my bills while I got my wedding videos out there for the world to see. The hustle was real and the humbling experience of unemployment, moving in with my parents, and feeling lost gave me encouragement that the only place I could go was up. 

Putting the pieces of my life back together took time and patience with myself. There were many days that I wondered how long it would take to feel whole again but I never gave into the fear that maybe it would never come. I will never forget that in the middle of this chapter of my life my car broke down to the point of unrepair and I had next to nothing in my bank account. I honestly laughed out loud and said, “Someday I’ll write about this in my book.” I guess in hindsight, I should have said blog. 😉 I think I was able to get through all of these road bumps with humor because I held tight to the belief that I would find my purpose and calling in this life, and all of these experiences will shape my perspective along the way. I believed so strongly that I would someday fulfill what it is I am looking for, and these experiences are somehow preparing me for what I may have to endure to get there. I guess each of these experiences were little cracks in my exterior that I’ve looked to fill with gold over time, making my life more unique and beautiful than it was before.

These are two of my favorite photos of my dad once he was back home in recovery. His doctor had two daughters that couldn’t believe their dad knew Miss Virginia, so my dad took me to one of his appointments so we could all take a photo to show his daughters. The golf cart picture cracks me up because it is so on brand from my dad. This was shortly after a blood transfusion and he was feeling like a new man! He still didn’t have the energy to walk around the yard like he used to, so he would whip this old golf cart around the house and neighborhood like a wild man.